Ghosts
by Sofia Lawrence
Summary: Bella and Edward are best friends as children, but his death destroys her. However, a familiar stranger shocks her on her nineteenth birthday.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Umm hey first real attempt at a fic please let me know if I should continue or give up. Thanks 3**

Ghosts

I decided when I was three that I didn't like my birthday. I told myself that because, after three, I finally realized that even as I got older I was still just as unlucky and just as clumsy every year. I also realized that 13 September 1991 was a Friday. I was born on Friday the thirteenth and every day of my life and every year on that day I now have to remember that I was born unlucky.

The day I turned nine my life fell to pieces. You do not know me, but I had a life. I loved and I was loved, but September 13th, 2000 I died. Well that is not exactly true, but Edward did and to be honest I haven't been living since.

I was nine granted, but Edward was my everything. He was my best friend, my brother, and now I realize what he would have been, my lover. We lived in the same building in Phoenix he lived up above me with a much better view, but our moms were really good friends.

He was born one year four months and three days before me. He already knew everything I was learning. He, however, was not clumsy. He did not trip over air, and he always managed to catch me when I did.

That was Edward. He was sweet. We would hang out at his house and he would have played dolls if I wanted, but I was more of a tomboy anyways so G.I. Joe was fine with me. Like I said we were the best of friends and we were inseparable.

That summer he died was horrible. We were nine and his parents decided to take him on a hiking trip. I couldn't go. Not because I wasn't asked, but I declined stating that I would probably trip over a rock and fall of a cliff with my luck. I wish I had gone now. I wish I had had those months with Edward. Now all I have of him is the clipping from the obituaries section

Edward Masen

Born: May 9, 1990

Died: September 13, 2000

Cause of Death: Falling off a cliff

I had been prophetic in my reasons for not going. I think all the time now I wonder if I had said nothing if he would be all right. They never found his body though. They never found him and I blamed myself. I died, but Edward had told me once that I could never hurt myself or I would surely die because I accidentally hurt myself all the time. I promised him I would never try to hurt myself and now I cannot even join him in the peaceful slumber.

**September 13, 2010 (Morning)**

I should feel older. I think that every time I have to start saying a different age, but really nothing ever changes. I am frozen. I am in the same place I have always been, same person different body. Maybe I am older, maybe other people see me as older, but I don't. I know I have stopped maturing, I knew that when I was 18 now I am 19 it is no different.

My friends told me they are going to get me laid tonight. I don't know how I feel about that. To be honest I don't feel much of anything at all. I know I should. I should either be screaming _YES_ or **NO!**, but I am not. I am instead thinking about how different my life would be if Edward were here to say Happy Birthday. Instantly I wish I hadn't.

In high school I just stayed away from people. I didn't want to get close to anyone because I didn't want to hurt them when they realized I could never love them back the way they loved me. I didn't want people to see my scars so I hid.

College changed everything though. I began to drink in college, and I am not going to lie, but I love drinking. The only time I can love and let my heart go a little is when I am drunk. I love it. I feel so good, and hangovers are non-existent, at least for me. So I started making friends. I realized I couldn't get alcohol otherwise. People normally do not know how often I am drunk, but I would be all the time if I could.

So I made friends, and they are the partiers. They drink all the time, which is fine by me, but when they wanted to celebrate my birthday I almost snapped. I hadn't _celebrated_ that godforsaken day since 2000 when my world fell apart, but I kept my mouth shut because an actual celebration called for actual booze, the good stuff. I also wouldn't have to pitch.

"Bella, let's have some fun tonight" shrieked Alice. She was a loud drunk never got on my nerves though.

"I don't know I am fine just chilling" I replied, dreading the thought of having to go out on this sacred day.

"Bella I think you need to get out. You always stay inside hating yourself."

_Rosalie._ She always tells it like it is, which normally is something I like about her.

"Fine guys I will go out and have fun tripping over a dance floor with drunk ass guys grabbing up on me so you can go make out with your boyfriends before fucking their brains out." Clearly I was not in a good mood.

"Oh, she's crabby today!" cried Alice.

_Yeah it's the worst day of my life._

They didn't know that though. No one really understood how horrible this day was for me. The only person who knew everything about me died today. The only other person who came close was Angela, my therapist before college.

I should tell them, but I can't. I could tell them why, but no one would care. All they care about is partying.

"I guess I am going out tonight." I ceded.

**September 13, 2010 (Night)**

We got to the club at a decent hour. I was dressed to the nines, as Charlie would say. Alice had me in a dress that made me seem beautiful. I had legs that went on forever according to Rose and when I looked in the mirror I felt confident. The only problem was the shoes. I can't walk normally so heels sort of make me want to wretch when I see them. I made it to the door though, and I guess being a little tipsy helped my balance because I actually felt confident walking around in them

So we get to the club and I make a beeline for the bar. I order us three shots and I head over to the table where I see them sitting.

Emmett shows up first saying something about a cousin, but this is a few drinks into the night and to be honest I almost always tune Emmett out. He tells me Happy Birthday. I mutter a thank you before Alice and Rose simultaneously pull me onto the dance floor.

"So Bella why you all depressed all of a sudden?" Alice trying to act casual is never going to work.

"It's my birthday and I just don't like it." I reply failing at the same thing.

Rose explains, "You can't hate your birthday until you are over thirty."

"I hate my birthday always have, always will." I am getting angry now.

A voice in my head asks _Always?_

I love when his voice speaks to me. It is one of the reasons I end up drinking so often, he speaks more often then.

We start really getting into the dancing after the little talking we managed to get in, but I really wanted to get off the dance floor. I claimed to be light headed, and headed outside. I realized I needed to stop drinking. I always knew that, and tonight I would drink no more because the voice only came out once a drunk.

I heard it again though. This time the voice was not in my head. This voice was real. I was so excited, but also scared. I knew Edward was gone, but the voice was almost exactly as I had remembered it.

**AN: Leave me a review letting me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Later**

I remembered it exactly. Everything about him, and his voice was something I never forgot, but when I turned around it wasn't the young boy next to me, it was a man, but a man so beautiful I could have sworn he was my Edward.

"Hey, do I know you?" I shouted timidly to him. I knew it was Edward. Somehow, someway God had brought my Edward back to me.

"Excuse me, miss, but I am afraid we haven't had the pleasure."

The connection was instantly changed. This was my Edward at some level, but Edward did not have a British accent, and at that moment I knew Edward was still dead. This man, however, was still attractive, and I could even pretend he was my Edward if I tried hard enough.

"I feel as though I have met you before though. Perhaps in a previous life?" He asked seriously as if that could be possible.

"Maybe" I replied dismissively.

"I am sorry to have bothered you," I said as I turned to leave.

He grabbed my arm though and sparks flew through it right to my core. He jerked his hand back as if he had felt it too.

_I do know you._ My heart was screaming at me. It apparently hadn't gotten the message.

"Would you like to share a drink?" I was beginning to like the accent.

"Can I get a name first?" I asked, simply curious now.

"Edward Cullen." I fainted.

**September 14, 2010**

I woke up not knowing where I was. I had a hangover, which confused me because I never got hangovers. I tried to remember my night and realized it had been my birthday. I remembered getting drunk, a little bit of dancing, and then nothing. My mind was blank as if I had been drugged. Well, that would explain the crazy beautiful place I woke up, except not really at all.

As my head began to clear, and pound at the same time, I took in my surroundings for the first time. I was in a beautiful white room, in a white bed, with flowers one the bedside table. I, however, was not so beautiful. I smelled like cigarette smoke and alcohol. I wanted to shower, but I still had no idea where I was. I was also dreading standing up because my headache was bad enough sitting down.

After another few minutes trying to take in my surroundings. I got up. I went searching through the hotel suite I found myself in. I found the remote and searched for the checkout channel. I found a name. It was a name I guess I had been searching for because when I saw it my entire night came flooding back to me. Every detail was etched into my brain for eternity, and all I wanted to do was find this Edward and talk to him so I could figure out the connection between these two Edwards.

I remember fainting, but I must have been unconscious until just now. Oh GOD! What does Edward think of me? He must think I am crazy by now. I mean where is he? Did he just leave me here to fend for myself?

"Good morning sleepy head." What a lovely voice.

"Hey, ummm, I am really sorry if you will just give me cab fair I can leave right now." I said hoping he didn't hate me or want to kill me, or something.

"Beautiful, I don't want you to leave. I want to talk to you. You are the first woman I have ever let sleep in my bed and I don't even know your name." I was really starting to like that accent.

"Well, umm, I guess we could hang out today if you wanted?" It came out as more of a question.

"I would love to." Please let me go home and shower and change. "I think we should just get you home so you can shower, then I am going to come pick you up and we are going to talk about your reaction to my name, and everything else about you."

He was getting a little cocky, but I was still drawn to him like a magnet. "Bella."

"Bella… what?"

"Oh, that's my name." _Way to sound like a complete idiot, Bella, GOD!_

"Now that is a beautiful name, but I am not going to faint. At least I don't think I will." He winked at me while saying this. _Winked._

"Ok and your name is Edward… Cullen. Really? You sure? Could it be Edward something else?" I asked totally convinced that this Edward and the other were one in the same.

"You do not get to ask all the questions today. I want to learn about you before you run away form my crazy story." He had a hint of sadness in his voice. I knew not to push. My Edward had hated it when I pushed him when he was sad.

"Ok so off to my apartment right?"

"Yeah."

The car ride was five minutes of heaven. I think the car was the greatest car I had ever driven in. It was a silver Volvo, but everything about it was better than what was in any other car I had ever driven, but this is me we are talking about. I mean I am the owner of nice big red truck that has never seen better days.

When we arrived at my apartment, he scrunched up his nose. He turned to look at me and asked with all seriousness, "How can you live like this?" I was baffled because it actually looked clean to me, but then I remembered the hotel I had woken up in. It was immensely clean, even cleaner than it would have been if I had been staying there. Clearly he was a neat freak.

"You're staying in a fucking hotel for Christ's Sakes." I retorted because I had no brain filter that morning.

"Well I just moved here, but I would like to be able to see my floor from time to time. I also, do not have billions of beer bottles to pick up. I mean really did you have a party recently?" He asked as if there was no other explanation.

"No I just like to drink and sometimes get carried away. Plus, I almost never throw the bottles out for some reason." I tried to explain.

"You have a drinking problem?" He whispered as if saying it aloud would make it more real somehow.

"Not really, just sometimes, ummm, maybe?" I lost my confidence really quickly.

"Why?"

_Did he figure it out? Did he realize I was mourning and simply never got over it? _

"What do you mean why? People have drinking problems, sometimes its genetic, sometimes it is just bad luck." I was digging a hole for myself and I knew it.

"So for you was it genetics" – in air quotes – "or some bad luck?" – again with the air quotes.

"Well it doesn't run in my family…" I trailed off not knowing what to say.

"So something traumatic happened? You were beaten? Raped? Somebody hurt you?" he asked getting angrier with each word.

I waited thinking how to put this. "No. I was just broken by a boy. We were in love. He died. Gone forever." I felt the tears starting, but I stopped them. I let one go, but I held back the rest.

"Oh. I am so sorry. You want to talk about it?"

"Not now. You promised me a date right?"

"Yeah, go get ready."

**AN: Please just let me know if you read this whether or not you liked it. I can take flames trust me.**


	3. Chapter 3

"**The Date"**

We were back in the car. I had showered so now I could get past the smell of alcohol and cigarettes. I could finally smell him, and I don't know what cologne he wears, but god damn he is the best smelling man I have ever been around. Most guys I hang out with stink worse than me simply because they refuse to shower while I end up showering every morning. THANK GOD I do not wake up with hangovers, except today. It was basically gone anyways; I don't think it was a drinking hangover.

Anyways, Edward was driving and I realized we were going around in circles while I fantasized about his scent. I mean I really was fantasizing about how he smelled.

"Edward, where are we going?" I asked because he said we were going on a date.

"I really have no idea I was hoping maybe you could show me some place." He finally had a hint of shyness in his voice. I felt triumphant for some reason.

Just turn left there is a nice little hole in the wall on the next block. I figured if he could survive Harold's on a Tuesday morning then he was a keeper for sure.

We got to Harold's, and I ordered my usual. The Hillbilly Skillet with bacon and biscuits with gravy. I was never going to finish all my food. Edward surprised me by ordering the same. To be honest, I expected him to get something super healthy.

After ordering it felt like something changed in Edward, it was almost as if a dam had been released. His first question really through me.

"So why do you drink?"

I had no idea how to answer him. I did not know of any way to lie to that question, so I went with the truth, "I love drinking not because I feel good, but because I leave behind all of the shit that normally keeps me from acting like a sane human being." I guess I was word vomiting again.

"So you like to relax?" He was confused. "You can't find that another way?"

"I have tried for a long portion of my life to find peace in my mind, you can't possibly understand. I lost the one person that meant everything to me. He was my life my center, and I haven't been the same since. You couldn't possibly understand how difficult that is." _Shit, start running for the hills now if you want your sanity._

"I think some people would understand better than you think, and I don't think drinking is the only way out of it. I play music to lose myself. I lost a lot as a kid, but still I want to hear about you."

"When did you start drinking?"

"A year ago when I started college."

"Why did you start?"

"Ummmm, its college…everyone drinks."

"Ok, but why did you start?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know anyways?" He was really starting to bug me. No one got under my skin before and he had done it in one day. "Why do you get to ask all the questions?"

"I get to ask the questions because I am trying to figure out why a beautiful girl has a drinking problem and why she fainted into my arms after hearing my name."

"Fair enough." There really was no room for argument.

"So you really have no idea why you started drinking?"

Ugh I might as well tell him. "I wanted everything to go away. I heard people say that everything goes away when you drink, and all I wanted was to be normal. To be human for awhile."

I hadn't even noticed the food and drinks had arrived until Edward started eating. He took a bite and looked at me with a stare so penetrating it was like he could see right through me. I would never get used to that stare.

"Tell me about your everything."

He said it as if it were the only logical next question. It wasn't even really a question, and I really did not want to answer it. I couldn't talk about my Edward with this impostor Edward. I couldn't it would be insanely difficult. I would try though. I could talk to this Edward all day about my Edward if he would just stay. Being around him made the need to drink go away. I didn't feel quite as empty around him.

"Ummmmm, So, What about him?" I was stalling.

"Anything Bella."

"Yeah, but just ask me a specific question, something I can answer easily. Please." I did my best attempt at puppy dog eyes.

He laughed, and I melted a little more at the beauty behind his laugh. "Ok. So what was his favorite…ice cream?"

"Mint chocolate chip from Baskin Robbins. He would sometimes get the smoothie, but he liked the ice cream better. I remember every time he would get the smoothie he would hope it would be as good as he imagined it, and every time with out fail he was disappointed beyond belief. He never stopped trying though."

"That sounds like fun. My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. I have never had Baskin Robbins though. They don't have a lot of that in England. I have never tried one of the smoothies either."

"Oh maybe for some dessert we could try to find a Baskin Robbins. I haven't been to one in a really long time. I am more of a Ben and Jerry's girl myself."

"Ok, so ice cream mint chocolate chip. How about his favorite color?"

"Blue, well he loved it when I wore blue he didn't really talk about colors unless they were related to me. He looked good in green though because it went so well with his eyes. I still think he favorite color is blue though. He was always happier when I wore blue."

"I love blue. I don't really have a favorite color, but seeing you in blue would probably make it my favorite color as well." He was going to be the death of me. He winked, again! "What was his name?"

"Next question, please."

"Come on, Bella. Please, it is just a name."

"I can't…not yet. You will just have to wait. I will tell you in time."

"Ok fine. But that is the only one you are getting out of."

"Your favorite thing about him? Physical or Characteristic."

"I loved his eyes, but more than that he was loyal, loyal to a fault actually. He would have done anything to make sure I knew where he stood and everyone else knew too. He was sweet and I couldn't love anything about him more."

"Wow. Bella you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met."

"Edward, can I ask you some questions?"

"Bella, you just asked me one, but yeah I will give you two questions."

Ok I had to questions. I had to make them good. I had to know everything about him from these two questions. I couldn't find any place to start. Then I remember his weird reaction to my statement the other day.

"Edward, why did you get sad when I said I wanted to hear your story?"

"Bella, that is an awfully large question."

"You said I only get two, I have to make them count."

"I was really hoping you wouldn't catch on to that sadness. I keep t hidden from most people, but you are not like any one I have ever met before."

"I don't want to frighten you with what I have to say."

"Don't worry at this point nothing can scare me." I almost laughed, and I almost rolled my eyes, but nothing seemed appropriate.

"Bella, you fainted at the sound of my name."

"It was a fluke I assure you…the alcohol too."

"Ok. I warned you. I can't remember much about my childhood. That's why I was sad. I have had a really hard time remembering anything before I was about 10. I am really not sure how old I am or even when my birthday is. I have tried to make sense of it all, but I get flashed randomly. Flashes of memories I think. They confuse me more than anything else. I just can't remember anything but my name from before I was 10. I just woke up one day with Carlisle and Esme, and all I could remember was Edward. I could only remember that my name was Edward. Nothing else. I knew how to speak, but all my memories were gone. I can't get any of it back. Carlisle says I might at some point, but also that I might be stuck like this forever."

"I am so sorry."

"Don't be I have learned to live with it."

"So nothing? Nothing at all?"

"I remember being loved. I remember a love so fierce I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like. I fear that I will only ever have a memory of that love."

"You never tried to find your loved ones?"

"I tried. I woke up about a month or two after I had lost consciousness. Carlisle almost gave up on me, but he is a man of faith, and he had had a vision about me. I tried to look for the people who lost me. I tried even harder a few years back, but nothing turned up. It was as if I had fallen from the sky to Esme and Carlisle."

"That's wonderful, but what about the people who lost you don't you think they will want to know you are alive? Have you just given up on them? Are you ever going to attempt to find them?"

"I tried Bella. I searched for months. I looked all over the Pacific Northwest for my family, but nothing turned up."

"So how did it happen?"

"My memory loss?"

"Yeah what else would I be talking about?"

"Well, Carlisle said he found me at the bottom of a cliff. I had fallen, but I was lucky because the damage I had could be repaired. I needed a lot of medical attention, but I guess I was blessed by an angel or something."

My heart banged around in my chest like it was trying to get me to realize something. All I could do was feel sorry for the lost little boy who never found his family, and feel sorry for the family that lost their little boy.

"You were in a coma for two months?"

"Yeah it was a miracle I ever came out of it. Carlisle had nearly lost hope, but then one day I just woke up. Good as new. Like nothing had even happened. Just woke up without a single coherent memory."

"When did you wake up?"

"October 20, 2000. I use it as my birthday now."

"Do you know what day Carlisle found you?"

"September 13, 2000." I fainted again.

**AN: I hope you like it. Let me know what you think. =)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Waking Up**

This feels surprisingly familiar. I have no idea where I am, who I am with, or how I got here. I can smell various things, and I think there is a lot of noise around me. WTF?

"Only out for a few seconds this time instead of hours, Bella?"

"Edward shut up." Then it all came back again.

This was going to kill me I swear. I have known the guy for less than one day and he has gotten me to faint twice. Never before him have I even gotten close to fainting.

"Sorry Edward. You surprised me…again."

"Well Bella, you are the one who keeps asking the questions."

The look he was giving me was anything but angry. He seemed more suspicious than anything, and he looked a little worried. Maybe he finally figured out that he was causing me to faint.

"Well you give the weirdest answers. It is almost as if…."

I couldn't go on. Just saying it would tear my heart open. I hadn't told him about my Edward. I hadn't told him everything, and just saying my theory, which I couldn't even really call it a theory because I couldn't even say it out loud, would send him running. Ugh! I needed a drink.

"Hey, anyways what time is it I could use a drink."

"Bella, it is only three o'clock." He sounded like a petulant child.

"Three is the latest I have started drinking in a long time. Don't worry Edward. I am not going to get drunk I just want to take the edge off. Plus it isn't like I am driving or anything. Please!"

"Bella, in the States you aren't even old enough to drink."

"Watch this." I motioned Harold my standard get me a drink and one for my friend here.

"Sure thing Bella." Harold was a good friend he didn't really know about my drinking problem, at least he didn't talk about it.

"See when you have good enough friends there is no drinking age."

The drinks arrived moments later.

"Drink up Eddie boy." He grimaced either from alcohol or the name I am not really sure which. My Edward hated the name Eddie.

"Please don't call me that. I have always hated that name."

Damn it! He is so much like my Edward I am having trouble keeping them separate in my mind. The accent is the only saving grace of this whole situation.

"Edward, say something, please!"

"Bella, how can you drink this vile shit?"

"Edward this tastes good compared to what I normally drink."

"Then why do you drink stuff that doesn't taste good?"

"It makes me feel good. Slight trade off in my opinion."

"Bella, it isn't healthy to drink this much."

"Edward, stop. First off, why do you care about my health? Secondly, why are we talking about my drinking problem again?"

"First and foremost, I think you should take better care of yourself, and secondly you clearly wanted a subject change."

"Not back to my drinking problem. So it's now my turn to try. Why did you come to the States?"

"I want to live here. Something called me back here. I think I may be closer to finding my family even though I am not going to look for them this time. I think fate is going to bring us together. I just have to hope."

I had just finished my drink and to be honest I was exhausted, "Edward can you take me home?"

"Sure Bella. You all right? I think you need some rest."

"Yeah a nice long sleep in my bed will do me wonders."

"Good I'll take you home then and you an take a nap."

"Awesome."

I didn't make it home though. I fell asleep in the car. It was heavenly except I woke up five minutes later with Edward carrying me into my house. Oh, but I was in Edward's arms that was heaven. When he set me down on my bed I almost cried. He didn't realize I had awoken though so he kissed my forehead. It was the most amazing feeling ever. I fell into the best sleep I had had in…well…10 years.

I woke up and didn't know where I was. This kept happening to me. Ugh! It was dark this time. I had an amazing nap. Suddenly the light turned on. It was blinding.

"Fuck where am I?"

"Your apartment."

"Edward?"

"Yes."

"Why are you still here?" I still hadn't opened my eyes due to the offending light.

"Bella, open your eyes."

"Ok…holy shit. What the fuck did you do Edward?"

"Well I didn't want to leave without your phone number, and I wasn't tired so I sort of took the liberty of cleaning up your apartment. Mostly just throwing away empty beer bottles and stuff. Don't be mad?"

He was so cute when he was being shy. I saw my Edward again. I had to brace myself, but surprisingly my heart wasn't aching like it normally did when I thought of him. My heart wasn't tearing apart for now. It was like I had finally been healed. I didn't buy it for a second though any minute my heart would stop teasing me and the dull throb would come back.

"Bella? Is it alright?"

"Oh Edward, Thank you I just haven't gotten around to cleaning for a while. It even smells nice in here that's probably why I could not remember where I was when I woke up. Edward you do need to get some sleep though I mean it's," I looked at my clock. "Edward, it's two in the morning why didn't you leave?"

"Bella, that would risk me never getting to see you again."

What the hell, what kind of emotion is that? I am just the crazy girl who keeps fainting on him. "Ok, Edward you need sleep. I am going to give you my number and then you are going to go home and tomorrow or the next day you will call me all right? I don't want you getting sick because you wanted my phone number." I also didn't want him sick because that would make him feel bad and I was starting to like him.

**One Week later**

I knew it was too good to be true. Everything in my life is always too good to be true. First Edward, and now Edward does it again. I swear if I ever meet another Edward again it will be the death of me. I mean first he comes and fixes everything in my life in just over 24 hours. Then, I give him a perfectly good telephone number, which he waited hours for and not even a call.

I just wish I knew something about him other then his name. I know vaguely where his hotel is, but I can't even remember the name. I was searching for something any clue as to why he would have left, but I couldn't find one. I mean he should have been scared off by what I said, but if he was wouldn't he have left running like a crazy man instead of carrying me to my bed kissing me to sleep on the forehead and waiting for me to wake up just to get my phone number. Ugh! This man will be the death of me.

I just really wish he would call. He at least knows where I live he could come surprise me. No, excuse there isn't really any excuse.

**AN: Reviews good or bad let me know I will get the next chapter up faster with a review. I hope you like it :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Despair**

**The day after the date**

**EPOV**

I wanted to see her. I had never wanted anything so bad in my entire life. I thought of going to her door. I felt like such an idiot. I should have put her number into my phone. I should have been more careful. I should have done so much. I can't get a hold of her. I went to her door and she didn't answer. I felt like a stalker. I just want her to know that I didn't abandon her. I will go see her again.

I got pick pocketed. Somebody stole my wallet from my pocket where I had put her number. The very moment I went to call her I realized my wallet was gone. I had been daydreaming, stupid, stupid, and stupid.

I thought I had lost her forever. I will go to her after tomorrow or something. I will go to her apartment and try to find a way to fix this. I need to see her.

I need her. Something in my bones tells me she will fix me.

**One week later**

I think the fates hate me. I can't get back to her. I went again and again I felt like a stalker. I tried over and over, but I feel like she must hate me now. I would hate me. I had promised to call her the next day. I had stayed in her house like an excited child waiting for her phone number, and now I didn't even have the decency to call her to tell her I am leaving the country or something. I hate myself. I can't imagine what this might do to her.

Sitting in my car, where it stills smells of her scent, the flowers. Then, it hits me. I can't stand around here for hours everyday, but I know where she lives and all girls like flowers don't they?

If I buy her a bouquet of flowers and drop it off or have it delivered with my number and a brief explanation of what happened maybe she could forgive me. I could only hope.

Now what type of flowers to get her?

**BPOV**

Nine Days After Meeting Edward

I have been trying to get over the whole Edward fiasco. Over a week and no sign means I need to give up. I deluded myself into thinking he was anything more than he actually is. He is a man like all other men. _He is not my Edward, never was never will be._ I doubled over in pain shooting through my body after thinking that. My heart would not accept that he was gone. My head was telling me to move on and my heart had simply refused.

There was a knock on the door.

My heart leapt. It had to be him. Nobody else would come to visit me.

I peered through the peephole and no; it was nobody but a lousy delivery boy. I considered blowing him off. I wasn't expecting anything and I hadn't ordered any food so he shouldn't be here. He was pimply and gross too. I had just given up hope of ever being normal though, so maybe a little human contact wouldn't hurt me.

He needed me to sign. I hate signing for packages.

**EPOV**

She should have gotten the package by now. She should have my phone number by now. They said it would be delivered by 10 o'clock. I hope she calls me. I can only hope.

**BPOV**

I don't know if he is joking. I mean really he wants me to call him after a week. After nine days he has decided that I should call him. He claims to have lost my number, but I don't know. Maybe he just wants to see how desperate I really am.

Who sends their phone number to a person they barely know in a bouquet of flowers?

Oh that's right Edward does that. But does he do it because he honestly lost his wallet or does he do it so he can see me suffer. I have suffered enough though. I won't let another Edward eat me alive I am not going to let him win. Not again.

**EPOV**

I wonder why she doesn't call. I thought she would accept my flowers. I hoped she would see that I was telling the truth. I had hoped over and over that I could see her again, but I think by the looks of it I had lost her.

**Three Weeks Later**

Bella never called. I stopped trying to contact her. She had made her point I guess. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. I couldn't help but wonder that maybe I had done something to compromise our relationship.

I was moving into an apartment today. I would be farther from Bella. I would miss her the same. I can't believe I had only really known this woman for one day. A little over twenty-four hours, most of which she had been unconscious for, and she had altered my being. I was different because of her. All I wanted was her, and everything I did secretly revolved around getting my Bella back.

My Bella. I liked the sound of that. I wanted her to be mine. I needed to talk to her before I did that, but hopefully I would see her again. Hopefully she would be happier than me. I would not wish this feeling on anyone.

**BPOV**

You would never have known the difference if you would have met me a month ago or today. I know the difference and Edward knows the difference, but it would seem as if nothing dramatic had happened to me in that time.

I am still a drunk, an alcoholic. Call it what you will, it means no difference: I drink a lot. I thought I was an alcoholic before. I thought I drank enough to be an alcoholic before I had met Edward, but being as I am now. I know the difference. I know that before I controlled the alcohol. Before I knew when to stop, how to stop. I had a reason to stop drinking. I had a limit. Now that limit is gone. I only heard my Edward's voice when I was drunk once before, but my new Edward, he will talk all day if I get drunk enough. Sometimes he even sings me to sleep.

I stopped caring about the hangovers. To be honest it feels better feeling bad. I know I did a good job slowly killing myself at night when I feel terrible in the morning. It may sound ridiculous, but I like knowing that I am doing what I intended to do and being able to recognize that through my hangover. I like being the same as everybody.

If I could blame one person it would be Edward. Does not matter which, they are one in the same. Edward is Edward is Edward. I know this in my heart. It screamed that at me when Edward was here, but when he left I was able to hear the tiny whispers of my heart. My broken bleeding heart.

I was dead before and now I am broken I am all alone and I don't care anymore. I threw away my chance at salvation. I threw it away with a bouquet of flowers, and now I just had to wait for the alcohol to take me.

I knew tonight would be different. I could feel it. Tonight I would enter a peaceful sleep. Tonight I would sleep and never wake up tonight I was partying harder than I ever had, and I knew that tonight would be the beginning for another chapter of my life. I knew that when I was rushed to the hospital in the ambulance. I realized that as I vomited and had my stomach pumped. I realized that as I saw the horror on the faces of the doctors, and I realized that as I saw Edward talking to one of them. I fainted.

**AN: Ok let me know what you think. I really think this story needed something I hope you guys liked it. If not let me know we will see how it works out.**

**:)**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Its been a while since I last updated if this is rough I might change it later I might change the entire story actually. Just bear with me. Anyways let me know how you feel. It may be terrible...**

**Also, sorry if you do have this story followed and you got a few emails I messed up a little bit.**

**EPOV**

I am such an idiot. I couldn't believe I had wished this upon her. Here I was feeling miserable and wishing, hoping, praying that God would deliver her to me. I have always been told to be careful what you wish for. She was going to die because of me. She would lose her life because I couldn't take a hint.

I should have left. I should have left hours ago. I should let her rest, but I can't. I can't leave her side. I know she may hate me when she wakes, but seriously I couldn't move if the world were falling apart. Call me an idiot. Call me whatever you want, but when I woke up from my coma I would have liked to have someone there who knew me, not some stranger asking my name. I wished she had been there. She knew me. I know she did. She wouldn't have reacted otherwise.

I had basically killed her. Who knows what she will feel like when she wakes up, if she wakes up. She will probably want to kill me. She will probably hate me. She knew me from before. She has to have known the old me. She has to have been the one from the flashes. All of my memory is based around her now. The face that had eluded me for so long, it was hers.

She might never wake up. She may be lost forever in her mind. Her last memory may be of her drunken stupor. She may leave this earth never knowing of my undying love for her. She may die hating me. It will kill me if she dies.

Her liver. The doctors keep talking about her liver. They say things like heavy drinker alcoholic. They are talking about the dead part. I don't care. I know what they are saying. I am a doctor for crying out loud, but none of it matters. My everything is lying on the table. Her liver has shut down and they are trying to explain this to me.

There is hope though. There is a part of her liver that hasn't shut down. There is hope that that one part could pull through and save her life, but that would mean she would have to change if she wanted to live. She couldn't get drunk anymore. She couldn't get anywhere near alcohol. I would fight for her this time though. I spent way to much time waiting for her, and this time I won't. This time will be different.

She just has to wake up. All I need is for her to wake up. I may not remember everything about her. I think she may know everything about me, but I want to find out everything. I want to know her favorite ice cream without pausing. I don't even know the flavor, but I would buy every brand of Ben and Jerry's if it would make her happy.

She wouldn't tell me her love's name, and I understand that now. His name was Edward. The one thing I could actually remember was my name, and I believe I remembered it for the sole purpose of being able to find this woman. She has to wake up please Oh God! I will die with her if you take her from me I will put myself in heaven I don't care how wrong it is. I will be with her.

**BPOV**

I woke up with a warm, a tingling really, in my side. I knew who it was. I sighed. I had finally found him. Edward was the only person who was able to make me tingle. He could keep me warm in the dead of winter just by holding me.

I couldn't open my eyes though. I knew Edward was here, but I feared opening my eyes. He would leave he would always leave me. I was too scared to open them. I couldn't…

"Bella, You're awake!"

"I know." Still stupid I see.

"Bella, please open your eyes."

"I won't."

"Why?"

"If I do I know I will never see you again." I knew he would leave. He always left whether by choice or not, it killed me.

"Bella… please?"

"Why Edward? What could be so important about opening my eyes?"

"I love…your eyes."

"I love – your eyes too?" What was going on?

"Please Bella I need to see your eyes."

"Edward I am scared."

"Bella, you wanna talk about being scared? I have sat here for two days waiting for you to wake up. I have bee afraid since then that you wouldn't. I was scared for my life that you would die while I was sitting here. I was scared your liver would stop fighting. I was afraid that you would go to heaven thinking I hated you. I was so scared for two days straight. I was terrified out of my mind for two days. You do not get to pull the scared card right now. I just want you to open your eyes so I can put my fear to rest."

He was being too logical. I had just woken up. I was starting to feel the pain. I thought there wouldn't be any pain. He was making me think too much. My heading was hurting more and more.

I opened my eyes. I had no other choice.

"Edward you have to let me think slowly. I am just waking up with the hangover of my life. Please!"

He zipped his lips shut. Like he had as a kid.

" Why are you still here?" I took the offensive. I didn't want to appear weak even though I was. I also, was so grateful he was here and I don't think I conveyed that well.

"Brr MRR Irr OId." He was trying to speak with his lips closed. I ended up unzipping them for him.

"Oh, Thank you. I am here because everybody should have somebody next to them when they wake up from a near death experience." He was too sweet, but does that mean he is just going to leave again?

"Well, thanks, if that's it you can leave now. I am awake and fully conscious, plus I remember everything about myself." He had to leave now. He should at least. He always left.

"Bella, why would I wait here for two days just to leave the instant you woke up? Why would I waste that much time? Do you really think I am that idiotic?"

"Well, you don't have to insult me before you leave. Wait, What did you say?"

"Bella, I am not leaving."

I sighed, loudly.

"Bella? You don't want me to leave do you?"

"No!"

"Why didn't you call me? After I sent the flowers?"

Seriously he was bringing that up? "What would you have thought?"

He shrugged with the most ridiculous look on his face.

"Ok, well picture this. I had just met the most amazing guy. He literally made me faint twice in less than 24 hours. He made me light up like no guy had before. He brought back my best friend from the dead, literally. I fell in love, back in love in less than 24 hours. Then, you give him your number and he loses it, claims it was stolen. Sending you flowers with a number. You want to call, more than anything else in the world, but really doesn't this sound a little too good to be true? Don't you doubt yourself for a minute?" He looks more shell-shocked than I expected. I wait for him to speak. Its killing me.

"Fell in love?" Shit, shit, shit! Did I really say that? F my life. Umm, how was I going to fix this? Shit! "I did too." He did?

"Really?" He probably just saw my freak out, maybe he was just trying to make me feel better.

My thought process was quickly shut down as his lips found mine. It was the most hurried ridiculous shut up kiss in the world, but it felt like heaven and home combined into one. I was so high from his kiss, and then it was over.

"Bella." My name on his lips was the sexiest sound I had ever heard. I think his name had issued forth from my lips as well.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I just realized I forgot to mention that Twilight or anything copyrighted isn't mine all I have to mine name is this little story. **

**Also, I just wanted to say that this story is going to take a turn sometime soon I haven't decided yet exactly where this is going. Let me know what you think.**

**EPOV **

She loved me. I could die of happiness in that moment. She didn't hate me she didn't even want to kill me. She has fallen back in love with me.

I hope she realizes that I have fallen back in love with her, or at least I have realized my undying love for her. I hope she understands that I know who I am at least in relation to her.

"Edward." She murmured my name. Ugh! Oh shit did I just say hers?

"Bella? We need to air some shit out, don't we?" I think that pretty much puts all the cards on the table.

"You know who you are now, don't you? You know you are my Edward? You must have put two and two together. I mean my heart did it for me a few days after I literally threw away my chance to ever see you again." She was talking so fast I could only just barely make out what she was saying.

"Bella calm down, we have forever." I explained calmly.

"Edward what if we don't? I lost you before I am not going to waste anymore time just to lose you again." She was getting visibly more upset.

"Bella, I am here now that is all that matters. I want to talk about my family. Do you know much about them or how to contact them?" I asked quietly afraid she would get upset again.

"OH MY GOD. Your mom! She is going to die of happiness when she sees you. She was destroyed when you died, or well disappeared. I think Charlie would know where they were. He kept tabs on them seeing as how they were a huge part of my life. Renee never could keep tabs like that. Charlie is in Forks one phone call and…shit am I talking out loud right now?" She had been rambling for quite some time.

"I think that might be the drugs Bella your brain might be a little fried right now." I didn't think I was getting through to her.

"Edward none of that matters right now. I am with you, and you love me. I never thought ten years after you "died" I would meet you again. There is so much to learn, so much to explore." Her eyes darkened with her last statement.

"Bella we need you to be alright first. You almost died. I would not have been able to live if you had. I am going to take care of you. I am going to help you. Bella, you will never be able to drink alcohol ever again."

"Ummm. Edward, I don't know if I can. I mean I could have before but then I really started drinking. I was basically drinking to kill myself, to punish myself, and I think there is a slight possibility that I am addicted. I mean like I would do anything for a drink addicted. I don't know if I can just stop. I need it sometimes." She still had no brain filter obviously.

"Bella, I am going to help you through it, but let me make this clear. There is a very good chance that with even one more drink of alcohol your liver could shut down completely. It is very possible that if you drink an ounce more that you could die." I tried to get her to grasp the gravity of the situation.

"That would mean we would no longer be together." She started to cry, sob actually.

"Bella I won't let that happen. Let me take care of you. Let me nurse you back to health. Let me heal you." I knew in my heart we were going to heal each other. Bella wet the back of my shirt with her tears. I knew some men would be upset that a woman was ruining their shirt, but I rejoiced in holding her even if she was mine for eternity. I was glad to be able to hold her, and I meant every word. I was going to get her back to health. I was going to take care of her. I was going to love her like she had loved me. I was going to make everything right.

The more I thought about it, and the longer I was holding Bella the more I remembered. There was one instance, one moment that was just out of grasp. It was important, and I knew it had something to do with my fall. It was dark and sinister something I had never remembered from my former life. I knew something was wrong, something I think my memory had shielded from me. I stored that thought for later though. I was supposed to be basking in Bella at the moment, and the dark and sinister story of my life could wait until later.

**AN: Ok so we can see how we are going to get away from the lovey dovey stuff just let me know how you feel about. I hope you know how much reviews inspire people, namely me, to write. Also, I am going on vacation woot woot so there is going to be a week or two delay before the next chapter is up. **

**If you are looking for a fic to read try out The Diner by Jessypt I love it anyways, if you are looking for a laugh I would go with The Tales of a Charming TruckNapper by MkMarie, or Midnight Son of a Biotch by green goldfish. I love em all. But please if you have ten seconds review. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Ok so I just got back from Houston. It was HOT. Woo. I want to thank ****, jojobear33, BuiltToughSince1987, Team-Jessica, and temporaryinsanity91. They have reviewed, and I know it may seem unnecessary, but anyone who writes their own story can tell you support is the key. A better story will come from anyone who has readers who support so if you review once or every chapter you read, anything is appreciated. Plus you get your name up here! Thanks, Sofia.**

**AN: Also, I don't own twilight. What a shocker!**

**One Week Later**

**BPOV**

I love Edward. I had always loved Edward, and now he was mine. The Edward I had given up for dead had come back, and he was mine.

I couldn't keep from my mind though the weeks of investigation when Edward had disappeared. The countless people who asked me if Edward had contacted me. I couldn't help but question the reason Edward was not found. He had looked, and we had been looking. His body had disappeared, but he was alive, and now that is all that matters.

Suddenly I remembered one of the most important things of all, "Edward, your parents!" I think I might have burst his eardrums.

"Bella, what about my parents?"

"Edward, they are going to die of happiness when they see and meet you."

"No they aren't."

"What are you talking about? Of course they will. They were the only people who were even as close to as sad as I was when you disappeared. They will be ecstatic."

"Bella, I am just not ready to see them yet. There is… There is something inside of me, something that I think has always been there, but it is really surfacing now. I am not saying this right."

The way Edward's voice dragged like he couldn't stand the words coming out of his own mouth made Bella pause. She couldn't comprehend why Edward wouldn't want to see his parents, and what the hell was he stalking about "something inside of me." There is nothing inside of Edward. Nothing about Edward is dark and sinister like he made it seem.

"You are not a bad person Edward. Your parents will want to see you. We should call them or something. I think I have a way to contact them…"

"Bella, no!" Edwards hands had stilled my fidgeting.

"Why, Edward? How could any person's parents be anything but super happy to see their child that had been lost, presumed dead, for 10 years."

"Bella, I love you, but this is something I am going to need to do on my own time. I will include you, but there is some stuff I need to figure out. Ok?" Edward took on that hint of sadness that always made me take a step back.

"Ok, I get it. You are not ready for this big of a step yet. I understand, but promise me you will at least tell me once you are ready so I can get you their information?"

"Bella, love, of course you will be the first to know."

"Edward fyi I love you too."

"Bella you won't keep this up forever you know." He seriously underestimates me.

"Any time you say it while I am conscious and can here it I will reciprocate. I think it is very doable. Even when I hate you I have to love you. That's all I have anymore." I love him, and I will never get tired of saying it.

"Bella, I am not all you have. I never was all you had. You have no idea how tortured I was knowing that I had caused you so much pain. I never want to hurt you again, but I think in order not to accidentally hurt each other we need to branch out. We have been hanging out at my apartment for a week, and while it has been great, don't get me wrong it has been great, I think it would be best if we got out. We need to hang out with other people. Life is precious, and I can't have you destroying yourself if something happens to me. Ok?"

"Edward, basically you want me to have friends? That's easy I already have friends."

I mean there was Rose and Alice and Jasper and Emmett.

"Bella, you need friends who aren't associated with your drinking. You can't go back to that, ever."

"Oh." I hadn't thought about it, but I don't know if I had ever seen any of my "friends" sober. "Can I at least talk to them?"

"Of course you can, but remember to tell them that you are on the way to recovery, and you can offer them 'help' if they need it."

"Carlisle was really helpful in getting me out care patient help. I would not have been able to stand one of those rehab facilities, plus as long as you are here there is no need for me to go to alcohol."

"Bella, why were you alone at the hospital?"

"I was probably picked up from the bar and my 'friends' were probably to busy with each other to notice." I finally remembered something worthwhile. "Edward, I don't have my phone. What if they tried contacting me? I have been with you for a whole week. Oh shit."

"We should probably go to your place now."

"No shit Sherlock."

**Bella's Place**

Edward had cleaned it again. I couldn't figure out when, or at least somebody had cleaned it. Shit what if it was James, her landlord, what if he had heard about her disappearance, and he had cleaned her shit up and packed it up for her? Shit, shit, shit.

"Edward did you clean my place up?"

"No, why? Shit, never mind." I guess he hadn't looked around yet.

"Fuck we need to talk to my super. He kind of likes me so just ignore him."

As I clambered down the stairs I realized that James might think I am dead. He might have gotten my place rented by someone else already. If that is the case than what the fuck am I going to do?

I knocked on James's door three separate times before he finally answered.

"James, open the fuck up!"

"Bella, what a pleasant surprise. I heard from a little birdie that you had skipped town. I guess they were wrong. I guess you can thank me now."

"Thank you? Thank you for what?" I'll admit I was a little indignant.

"Well I took the liberty of cleaning up your room and packing your stuff up. I was going to sell it, but the stuff looked like shit so I just put it in storage until I had the time to go to some shelter to drop it off. Umm, somebody already took your place by the way. I am going to need your key back."

"Motherfucker." I muttered under my breath. James certainly fucked me over this time. "James, where the fuck is all my shit?"

"Garage. I can let you in." James uttered while reluctantly standing to presumably open the garage.

"Bella, you know there is a king size bed in my apartment. You could always hang there. You know until you got a new place."

"Seriously James. You kick me out of my fucking home and then hit on me all in five fucking minutes. I cannot believe you. And I am never going to thank you for this."

"Take your boy toy and go fuck yourself. You are such a terrible liar. I mean you go around campus saying 'Fuck You' to anyone who tries to approach you without alcohol, and claim you hate your life, and no man will ever replace whoever it is you are mourning, blah, blah, blah, and then in one week you are hanging over a guy like he is your life vest on the fucking titanic. So fuck off because I tried being nice and you turned out to be a bitch." I got ten feet away from him before I fell to the floor. I had tripped over thin air. Edward hadn't even caught me. The sobs wracked through my body. I felt Edward wrap his arms around my body and I just cried more. I was more than sorry about everything I had done. I was devastated that every word James had said was true. I was feeling a little better though so I wiped a few tears from my eyes, and that is when I noticed the blood on Edward's knuckles, and the broken nose on James's face.

"Thank you Edward. I love you."

"Anytime Bella. You know I love you too."

**AN: Let me know what you think. A review is the best present anyone could get.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Twilight is not mine. Thanks to haleyscott305, RICIA, and KimiD for the reviews last chapter.**

**EPOV**

Damn that motherfucker's face hurt my hand. I would have done it a million times though if it would bring Bella any comfort. That motherfucker hurt her, and it was time for him to pay. Bella was mine and I would always do my best to protect her from jerks like him.

Her face had almost destroyed me when I saw what his words had done to her. It was almost as if he had said the only words that could possibly bring her that much pain. I knew it could all be true. I realized that if I had lost Bella I would probably become zombie like. I am just sorry that she had gone through it for so many years.

I was overcome again with a hatred for my parents. I didn't understand it. It wasn't their fault I had lost so much time with her, but my heart and mind kept telling me it was their faults. I was so confused though I could not remember one thing about my parents. I remembered a lot about Bella even a few memories, but I could not picture my parents. I couldn't even after Bella had described them in great detail. It was as if my mind was keeping them hidden. I just wish I knew why.

"Bella, you can come stay with me. We can bring your stuff to my apartment. It will all be fine. I promise you can make up with your friends. Everything will be fine. I promise." I said as hopefully as possible. I could not deal with her tears they really tore me apart.

She continued to cry into my side. I knew my shirt was getting wet, but that was the least of my worries. All of Bella's belongings were packed up next to us, and we were in James's garage while he was fretting over his broken nose.

"Bella, Bella, look at me please." I was pleading I needed to see her face. She was sobbing. When she looked up though I realized she was going to be okay. She was getting her breathing under control, and her tears were mixed with laughter.

"Edward, thank you for breaking James's nose. It was just what I needed." She was half laughing throughout her thanks.

"Bella let's start moving your stuff to the car. We should get back to our home." I wanted to see her smile again.

"Edward, I would love to. I love the fact that it will be our home."

"I do need to apologize to some people. I think my friends started drinking more to keep up with me. I should explain everything to them. Can you do me a favor and figure out where my phone is?" She asked as if she was afraid of something.

"Of course I will. Hold on let me go talk to James. Do you want to wait here?" I was afraid she would freak out by herself, but I also didn't want her around James.

"I will start loading the boxes into the car, but I think we are going to have to make at least two trips. I have more than will fit into your Volvo."

"Yeah no problem Bella. I will talk to James about it. I am sure once he has calmed down he will see clearly." I turned to leave.

"Edward?"

"Yeah Bella?"

"Be careful James can have an irrational temper sometimes."

"I will be."

James was still a little pissed off. I managed to talk to him rationally. I needed to talk to him about Bella.

"Hey James. I am sorry about the broken nose. I am a little protective of Bella. You hurt her. I am sorry I had to hurt you. You understand right?"

"I guess if I had Bella I would be a little protective of her too."

"Thanks, I guess. Anyways, I was just wondering if you had Bella's cell phone?"

"No. That definitely wasn't in her apartment. I guessed she had it. I mean I don't know where she was, so I just figured."

"Shit it was probably left at the bar she was at before she passed out. Thanks James."

"Yeah no problem I guess."

I ran back to Bella. I hoped she would remember where she had gone that night. I was hopeful because most likely it was there with the bartender.

"Bella, Bella! I think I know where your phone might be. Where were you the night you were admitted to the hospital? You probably left it at the bar, and the bartender probably has it. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Edward! Of course. I was at Dan's they serve all the good stuff to minors. We were partying like never before. I was just out there to get plastered. I probably just left my phone at the table." I was so relieved she remembered.

"Ok let's head over there. I will run in and ask the bartender if he has a phone." I didn't want her going in. I wasn't sure if she could handle it or not at this point in her recovery. I knew that if she had even one drink it could be fatal. Her liver could stop functioning.

"Edward, I can do it. I can run in. I know what the phone looks like. I know the number. The bartender will probably even recognize me. Trust me I can handle it. I am not even the least bit tempted to have a drink right now." She was infuriating.

"What if I go in with you?" Please say yes.

"Alright fine, but you do realize at some point you are going to have to trust me, right?"

"I know, I know."

"Ok, sweetie. Let's go get my phone."

We headed over to the bar. Her phone was with the bartender. He did recognize her. He offered her a drink, but my Bella was stronger than that. She declined the drink, and we hightailed it out of there. It seemed like no time before we were back at my place.

"What should I do?"

"Well, can you turn it on, or is the battery dead?"

"I think I can turn it on, but what if I have messages from all my friends worried? What do I do then? And worse, what if nobody called?" Bella's voice broke on the last few words, and I prayed to the God I had never before believed in that her friends had worried about her. She was going to break if they didn't.

She turned it on. It felt like an eternity before the whole system booted up. Then we waited.

Three minutes passed in dead silence. The phone didn't light up, nothing happened. Bella seemed like she was about to start crying, but all of a sudden it was like her phone had jumped awake. The text messages and voicemails poured in. Bella's face lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. I found it a little ironic that we were celebrating the fact that her friends were worried sick about her. I was happy too though.

"Edward, they did notice. They did try to call me. This makes me so much happier. I was afraid I could have died and nobody would have told Charlie until summer break came along and I didn't go home."

"Bella, you are more amazing than you give yourself credit for of course they would notice you were gone."

"Oh my God. I need to call Alice. She may have actually assumed I was dead."

As Bella was talking to Alice I realized that these friends of hers weren't all that bad of an influence after all. Maybe they could be part of Bella's support system in her recovery. I would have to explain the seriousness of the situation to them though. I couldn't be sure, but the way Bella was speaking to Alice it seemed possible that Alice really did care a great deal about Bella.

When Bella hung up she looked at me with the most terrified expression on her face and I became scared until she utter a few words, "Alice is angry. She says she needs to see me to believe me." I couldn't wait, but Bella seemed terrified.

"Sounds fine. I am ready to go right now."

Bella groaned and muttered something under her breath. It sounded to me like traitor.

**AN: Who wants to meet Alice again since Bella isn't a drunken bitch anymore? Review please it makes me write faster.**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thanks to** **Bellaangel383, MoonlightAdagio, and KimiD for the reviews last chapter. I hope you guys like Alice. Let me know.**

**BPOV**

On the way to Alice's house I was preparing myself for war. I was expecting the worst. I prayed for a few questions some thought time and a yelling or something. I was hoping Alice wouldn't destroy me with her unbridled energy. I was scared to say the least. Alice was small and perky, and I was anything but. I prayed she would hold some of it back. It was a small hope to say the least.

When I arrived at Alice's though I was wrong. I knew I had done something horrible. The whole place just felt wrong. Alice's energy could generally be felt for a few hundred feet. This place felt dead. When I rang the doorbell the response was immediate. I saw Alice's face then and my heart broke a million times over.

I knew anguish. I knew anguish as well as anyone in the world. I knew all sorts of pain, and Alice's face portrayed the kind of pain I had felt. Her face showed the gut-wrenching heart-stopping pain that had plagued me for nearly a decade. Her face nearly brought me to tears.

They were stopped by a hug. Alice jumped into my arms. She didn't hold back the smile that over took her face. She saw me, and her whole demeanor changed. I was never more sorry in my life than at that moment. I realized just from Alice's expression that she had thought me dead. I wished I could redo the last week just so I could have avoided bringing that kind of pain upon Alice.

I thought Alice was angry with me when she answered the phone, and I get it now. She was scared, worried, and sad. Her friend had nearly died, and she had not even been sober enough to notice. She had been feeling the guilt that I had carried around for years. I felt ashamed to have put it on her.

"Bella, You're alive!" I had never seen her more relieved or more tired in my life. It was as if she hadn't slept since I had gone into the hospital.

"Alice, I am alright, I think you need to sleep. Have you not been taking care of yourself recently?" I was fraught with worry. Alice reacted worse than I would have expected.

"No I have not been taking proper care of myself. I have been stressing out thinking you were dead. I was planning on calling Charlie tomorrow. I don't know what I would have told him. You know I could have started out, 'Oh you know your alcoholic daughter, Bella? Yeah well she may or may not be dead. I haven't talked to her in two weeks.' I am sure that would have gone over well." Alice was right.

"I'm sorry Alice. I really meant to tell you. I was out for a couple of days, and then I was caught up in Edward. We didn't get out too much." I tried to explain.

"Out for a couple of days. Do you mean to tell me you were unconscious for multiple days?"

"Ummm, yeah."

"Bella, if you hadn't almost just died I would have killed you."

"Alice, it wasn't my fault. I didn't have my phone. I had left it at the bar."

She started to cal down a little bit at that point. I think I had gotten her past the point of anger. "So what's up with this Edward guy?"

This was the question I had been waiting for. Once Alice got past everything I knew she was going to quiz me about Edward. I looked around to help get a little support from him, but I realized he wasn't behind me anymore. "Where did he go?"

"Oh he's talking to Jasper." I loved the fact that he was trying to get to know my friends. I really hoped he would be ok with me keeping them. I couldn't afford to lose my only support system here yet.

"Edward is the missing key in my life you could say. He always has been and always will be. There is a really long history there. Do you remember my birthday?"

"September 13th, you were crabbier than anyone I have ever known. I mean why do you hate your birthday?"

"Well that all has to do with Edward. You could say that I reconnected with him on my birthday. We had lost each other ten years earlier. I was a ghost without him." I was starting to choke up. It was one thing to talk about Edward when he was here with me and holding my hand, but to just lay my feelings out for Alice was much more difficult.

"What do you mean you lost him?" That was the question I had to answer, but would be extremely difficult.

"I-I… H-he died." I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks. I wanted to be strong, and now Alice was going to think I was crazy.

"Wait, that man who just walked in here is anything but a ghost. What do you mean he died?"

"Let me start over ok?" She nodded. "OK."

"Edward and I grew up in the same building in Phoenix together…" I ended up telling Alice everything. She nodded when appropriate. She held me when I got to the tough part. She even cried a little bit for me when I told her about all the years after Edward's 'death' that I spent as nothing more than a shell of myself. She was the perfect friend. She was exactly who I needed at that moment, and she was so much more of an amazing person than I had ever been able to see anymore.

"Bella, that was beautiful. I can't believe you two found each other." Alice was right it was nearly impossible that we did.

"It was fate Alice. Fate brings people who are meant to be together, together."

"Oh Bella, that is amazing. I am confused though. Does Edward remember everything now?" That was the tricky bit.

"Ummm, Edward remembers the things I remind him of. He doesn't remember everything, not at all, but if something relates to me he can sometimes remember, he also gets these memories that are mostly feeling, it is really weird, he can explain it to you better. Let's go check on the boys."

**EPOV**

Bella needed to talk to Alice, and I think they needed to do it alone. I motioned to Alice that I would be going inside. She managed to get it to me that her boyfriend Jasper was in there. I found the living room pretty easily. Jasper was sitting in front of the TV watching some game or another. I plopped down right next to him and we started to talk.

"So who are you?" That was more complicated than he could possibly know.

"My name is Edward. I am here with Bella, but she and Alice need to talk."

"Yeah they do. Alice has been so pissed at Bella for the last two weeks. Never answering her phone, not responding to texts. I mean Bella really went off the deep end there." I knew he was right, but I was a little angry the way he was talking about Bella.

"You know she ended up in the hospital right? I mean you guys were out with her that night, and nobody came with her. She was driven to the hospital in an ambulance, and she ended up unconscious for two days. Luckily I had been there when she went out and when she woke up. I mean what kind of friends are you?"

"We were trying to show her a good time. Bella had been really fun to hang out with. Something snapped at her birthday though. We were trying to get her out of it. Maybe partying wasn't the way to go. We haven't gone out since she went missing. It doesn't seem right, but hopefully she is better now."

"Yeah sorry man. I know what you mean. I am just a little protective of her and it kills me that she didn't have anybody but me next to her when she woke up. I went through a coma where I woke up with no one next to me, no one I recognized at least. It was a bad time for me I am sorry I snapped at you."

"Its ok man. Let's just watch the game the girls will be in any minute. I think." The girls walked in five minutes later. I was glad to see Bella and Alice had their arms wrapped around each other. I was glad Bella was getting back to some normality in her life.

**AN: Please review it was my birthday this weekend, and I still managed to get a chapter up so maybe a review for my birthday present?**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Thanks to KimiD and BigBlackEyes for reviews. Remember to review if you want your name up here. Also, I do not own Twilight.**

**APOV**

I couldn't believe half of what Bella told me, but when I walked into the room it was as if Edward knew Bella was here instinctually. I don't even know if he realized, but his body shifted towards Bella, even before his conscious mind knew she was here. It was an amazing connection. It only proved to me that Bella was telling the truth.

When I met Bella I didn't think that much of her to be honest. She was sort of a ghost of a person as she described it. When I introduced her to alcohol she became much more interesting, much more alive, but she became addicted, and fast.

Bella never told any of the crew about Edward. I was shocked to find out there had ever been a man in her life, especially one as good looking as Edward. I mean Bella was not sure of herself to say the least, and she seemed to have no interest in any men, at least not romantically.

This new Bella though was her total opposite. She exuded love, pure unbridled love, for Edward. I could hardly even recognize her when I answered the door. It was like I was finally seeing her in three dimensions. She had been a shadow of herself before. I was scared to see what she would look like if Edward ever disappeared again.

"Jasper, I see you have met Edward. Now it's my turn so scoot." Jasper obeyed my commands and made room for me on the couch.

Edward did not look uncomfortable, but almost excited. I think I was the first, well second if you count Jasper, of Bella's friends that he was going to meet. "I'm Alice Brandon, it's a pleasure to meet you." I stuck out my hand, and he promptly shook it.

"I'm Edward Cullen, formerly Edward Masen. Nice to meet you too." He had a charming smile. I could see why Bella was interested in him, at least look wise.

Then, Edward and I got to talking. He was much chattier than Bella.

Edward and I talked a lot about what had happened since the incident at the bar. I was surprised by his first question.

"I am sorry to ask you this Alice, but how could you have let Bella go to the hospital alone?" He was so upfront about it I felt as if I was almost knocked over.

"Edward, I know we must seem like the most terrible friends for doing that, but honestly whenever we go out with Bella she comes and goes by herself. She never wants to get ready with us, and she won't ever let any of us come home with her. We had all assumed she had left when really she had passed out. You have no idea how much it hurts me that she was there alone. I am happy you were there to help her through it. I don't know what I would have done if I had seen her in a morgue, or worse simple read a clipping in the paper." He really had no idea what I had gone through. I was torn with guilt. Jasper was almost giddy when I got the phone call from Bella's cell, and Jasper is never giddy.

Jasper kept saying things like she has lost all of her bounce, and I can't lose her. I will die. He said it as if I couldn't hear. I mean sure I didn't respond, and I was almost catatonic by day five, but I could hear. I think what he said though only showed his love for me. I would die if Jasper became broken.

I suddenly realized what we needed more than anything else. Bella was back. Sure I hadn't known her before, but she was alive and well. She needed a whole new wardrobe. She needed to show off what she had, and mostly to please Edward. He may not know it, but he hadn't even had a glimpse of sexy Bella yet, and I was pretty sure he would like sexy Bella.

"BELLA! BELLA, BELLA, BELLA, BELLA. We need to go shopping!" I was too excited to tame it.

"Alice, what? Are you crazy?" Bella was still as adamant as always about not going.

"Please, you are actually human now I should be able to take you shopping." I was speaking loudly, but then I whispered to her, "We could get something for you to show off to Edward." I was so excited she looked mortified, and then her cheeks bloomed red. Surprisingly she agreed.

"Fine. I will go with you, but please stop embarrassing me. I really like Edward, and you are going to make me so red he is going to know something is up."

She agreed. I still don't understand, but Bella definitely had a soft spot for Edward. I could basically get her to do anything for him. I was too excited to dwell on that fact for long. I was going shopping with Bella. She was too embarrassed to even come up with any rules so I was going all out.

The shopping trip was amazing. Since Bella hadn't given herself any vetoes she grudgingly accepted any outfit, or under garment I picked out for her. I didn't do anything too crazy, because I wanted to keep her as a friend after this was all over. She seemed to understand that I was holding myself back and only picking clothes she was comfortable in. I really gained a lot of insight from Bella that day. She really had no self-esteem to speak of. I am not trying to be mean or coldhearted or anything, but she could wear any of the outfits I picked out for her, and she could wear them well, but if it was even a little tight she was completely self-conscious. I didn't understand. It wasn't as if I was shoving her into stripper outfits, it would be a form-fitting sweater that made her boobs look slightly bigger and she would flip out. She wouldn't say anything of course, but she would get this dear in the highlights look almost like I was trying to kill her with the sweater.

I forced her to buy a few of he items I could tell she was uncomfortable with, but I didn't force her to buy anything she hated. I am not cruel you know. The trip seemed to be a success and I was ready to go when Bella stopped me.

"Alice, you didn't buy anything." She stated, almost complaining, but at the same time hating herself because she didn't want to go through more.

"Bella, honey, I have plenty of clothes plus next time we go shopping we can both get things. This trip was exclusively for you." I tried to appease her. She just groaned.

"Ugh! We have to do this again? It was bad enough this time." She was so cute when she was angry, like an angry kitten, fierce, but so cute the fierceness meant nothing.

"It won't be as bad next time. I had to overhaul your wardrobe this time. I promise next shopping spree we will take it easier. Shopping can be fun for you too, you know?"

She wasn't having any of it. We made our way to the car. The drive was quiet, but comfortably so. We were a few blocks from my house when I decided to pull the car over. I needed to talk to Bella again. "Bella, I am worried." I started off simply as I could.

"Alice, what's wrong?" She asked the question. I had prepared for it in my head, but saying all this out loud. I knew it could hurt her.

"Ok, well I guess I am worried because you…well you are really dependent on Edward. I really like him don't get me wrong, but you can't live without him. I know that sounds romantically ideal, but what is going to happen if things don't work out. I know you are both madly in love with each other now. I can see it don't worry, but what if he leaves you, or if he dies. I know you don't want to hear this, but now that I have met the real Bella, I don't want to know the zombie version any more. Real Bella is a lot more fun. I mean I can actually talk to her. Please just say something to assuage my fears. I know you can't promise me anything, but you need to build support outside of Edward. He is one man, one mortal man; he could potentially die, not now hopefully, but its possible in the future. I just don't want you to fall apart again. I am not sure I could take it. I don't think your father could either." Bella didn't say anything she just started crying.

Alice comforted her as best she could, but she knew she had just touched upon all the fears Bella had of Edward. She had hurt her friend. She hadn't meant to, but it had happened. She had opened up all her insecurities. Bella cried for a few minutes. When she had calmed herself down neither of the girls knew what to say to each other. Bella motioned for Alice to drive home, and Alice was thankful she had been so close to home when she had stopped the car because it was the most awkward five minutes of her life.

**AN: Long AN. I know I took a long break from this, and I am sorry. Real life has thrown a shit storm at me. It will probably take a while for the next chapter as well. I am sorry to disappoint anyone who was reading this. If you have forgotten any of the story go and reread if you'd like. **

**I also, want to thank BigBlackEyes. You really made me realize that I had forgotten this story. I hadn't meant to, but again I just started at the University of Chicago. It is a really difficult school, and I am taking a lot of hard classes. Also, I joined the rugby team. My Grandpa also just passed away. Again RL can suck sometimes. I hope you guys can understand that I didn't mean to forget about this, but that life made its way into mine. Hopefully I will get the next chapter up sooner, but I am not making any promises.**

**Remember to review please. It really makes my day, and I need something good in my life right now.**

**Thanks, Hope you like it. If you do or don't let me know with that button right there.**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Long one at the bottom, but Happy New Year.**

BPOV

I wanted Edward, no scratch that I needed Edward. I needed him just so I could breathe again. Maybe Alice was right maybe I couldn't live without, but I don't think I would want to. I don't want to go back to Zombie Bella just as much as anybody else. I don't want to be a shadow of myself. I have felt the real thing. I have found love, and I really don't want anyone or anything to take that away.

I needed to be home, I needed Edward, and once I found him everything would be just fine. The only problem was I couldn't find him. Maybe he had gotten into an accident maybe he was dead, again. Alice was right I was going to be a ghost again. I would soon follow Edward. Just a couple of drinks should do it. I'll never have to feel this way again. I can join him, my love, in the most restful state. Maybe I can still find him though.

Edward found me in my hysteria. I think I had resulted to looking under my bed. Edward took care of me. He laid me down, and he calmed me. It really wasn't necessary the instant his arms came around me my mind stopped freaking out. I was fine. The only problem was that now I saw what Alice saw, and maybe Edward now saw it too. I was completely dependent on him, and that was not a good thing. I almost just thought about suicide because he wasn't home. I needed help.

So I looked up at Edward and told it to him straight, or at least I tried the best I could do was a whimper. "I think I need help." I barely managed to whisper. He must have heard me though because he just held me and said, "Ok, we will get you some, don't worry about it now."

I had fallen asleep just like that in Edward's arms, and I woke up in the exact same place. I was perfectly happy, but I realized today I needed to start seeing a shrink. I needed to be whole for Edward. I needed to be able to just be for Edward. I needed to be perfect for Edward, and maybe I needed to stop needing to be stuff for Edward.

Edward was already awake just staring at me. "Edward I need to find a shrink today." It was the first thing I said, and I think it shocked him a little.

"Alright sweetie, but I need to know you are not going to freak out again. Please just tell me I can go to the bathroom I have waited all night because I didn't want to find you like that again." I smirked and shooed him in the direction of the bathroom. He bolted.

While he was gone I was fine because I knew where he was and had no need to find him. When he came back he looked a little troubled though. I immediately noticed as he sat down and I ironed out the wrinkled between his brows with my thumb as I asked, "What's going on?"

He looked confused, and I couldn't figure out why. "I think I might need a shrink too." He stated rather calmly however the look on his face told me that something was dreadfully wrong.

"Edward, talk to me." I could see it was weighing him down.

"I just…there's some… I can't explain it, but I need to talk to a shrink, let's go find Carlisle he can probably set us up with some people." He looked semi relieved once he had a plan in mind.

So three days later I was sitting in a chair across from the weirdest man I had ever met. His name was Francisco, and he was from New York, which I could tell from his accent, but he had also lived about twenty years in Zurich. He confused me, but I liked him, he seemed like a nice guy.

"So, Bella, why are you here today?" He looked straight through me I thought about lying, but I knew it was pointless.

"Well, you see a couple days ago I had this freak out because I couldn't find my boyfriend, and I am completely dependent on him and alcohol, and all this other stuff, and I am afraid of losing him, and he is so perfect so I want to be too, but I can't be if I freak out like this so yeah I guess that is why I am here." I think, I really had no idea what I had just said. Francisco just took notes for a couple of minutes.

"So tell me about your boyfriend?" He said it like it was an easy question.

"I have known him since I was young, I mean like since we were in diapers. I think we actually talked womb to womb, as our moms were friends. He is my sun, and without him I am a dying flower. He has the most beautiful eyes they are green and the pierce you so easily. I cannot get enough of him, and I thought he was dead when I was nine." I guess that was an easy one to drop.

The shocked look on his face told me he had not been expecting that. "Excuse me, can you repeat that last part really quick?"

"When I was nine I thought he had died." I enunciated each word, and looked at Francisco as he looked at me in what was nearly horror.

"Wow, ok so what happened when you were nine?" My smile faltered. I realized he had won with that one question. He had beaten me at my game of who would back down first. I had shocked him, but he had the power to crumble me now.

"Well I guess I died on the inside a little bit, and never really came back to life until I found him again." I was quieter now. I was almost fidgeting a lot more. I wished I had a hair tie or something my sleeves were not distracting enough.

"This is probably something we need to discuss, you know?" Francisco added. I knew, and I guess I wanted to, but I didn't want to need Edward any less because that might mean I loved him less.

"I guess…" I trailed off.

"Bella, Edward isn't perfect I can assure you no one is and he loves you as you are, but you need to love him as he is. You can't love a figment of your imagination, it is not fair to Edward." Wow I never had thought about it that way.

"Yeah…" I couldn't think of a come back and it was killing me.

"Yeah… what? Bella, you have to tell me what you are thinking." I was surprised I thought I had told him quite a bit.

"I poured my heart out to you and you are telling me I love Edward the wrong way. Just give me a second to think." I exploded, and maybe yelled.

"I don't think you love Edward the wrong way. I think you think he is perfect, and I think you should still love him when you see he isn't. I think he would not want to be on a pedestal like that." He was being rational overly so, or maybe I just thought he was being overly rational I wanted to yell.

Then he did something really crazy. Something only a shrink would do at this point. He told me to stand up and brought me to a miniature sandbox.

"What the fuck?" I really could not keep up with him.

"Bella our session is almost up, and this is an exercise I'd like to do with you. Go to that cupboard over there and pick out some figurines, then place them in this sandbox however you feel like." It seemed easy almost too easy.

"Bella don't think too much about what you are going to do just pick whatever you see pop out at you." I realized I had been standing by the cupboard for quite sometime.

The problem was there were so many figurines. I didn't want all of them, and I didn't know which ones to pick. A few almost caught my eye, but really my eyes glazed over, and then I saw an eagle. It looked like it was soaring through the sky. I thought of Edward and picked it up. Then I saw a smaller bird. It was perfectly healthy in the figurine, but I could picture it with a broken wing. Helpless.

I thought of myself what I had become. I went back to the sandbox, and right in the center of it I placed my two birds Edward and myself. I put myself on his wings as if he was carrying me. I thought it looked like heaven. Francisco smiled a response to my own, the first real one I had given him. He realized that made me happy.

"Bella, explain what you see to me." …

**AN: I know it has been way too long. So please bear with me. Thanks to princess1992, kselzer, and KimiD. I know I have been terrible about reviewing. I could tell you everything that has gone on in my life, but to be honest I have no idea where to start. College who knew it was this much of a time commitment. I guess I go to a school where a lot of work is expected, but I am sorry that it is taking me this long to write. I know some people may be skeptical about the therapy thing, but at least for Bella's this is almost exactly what I went through a year ago, when I dealt with a death I experienced at a young age. I am going to try to update more, but please don't be angry if I don't. I will finish this story eventually, but it is proving to be longer than I expected so just as I said before bear with me. This is my first fic ever so if it sucks well tell me, I will probably brush you off and keep writing anyways, but I love feedback of any sort.**

**Review please. *muah* Sofia.**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Twilight isn't mine.**

**EPOV**

Dreams. The dreams were getting to me. I thought they were figments of my imagination, but they aren't. These are real, and if I ever want to face my biological parents again I need to sort through these.

I told Carlisle about the dreams, not what they were about, but that I wanted to talk to someone about them. He got Bella a shrink; he could get me one too.

My mother's face was coming back to me. I could see it more and more clearly. She was worried so worried, and sad. She looked like she wanted nothing more than to kill herself, but I was the one to go off the cliff, not her. She was so sad, and then I wasn't sure maybe I jumped from her persuasion. Maybe I fell, tripped over a rock. There was a huge part of me though that was sure that she had pushed me, that I had fallen to my almost death because my parents had tried to get rid of me.

There were three dreams. I never saw my dad, but he would talk to my mom. He pretended like I wasn't there. It didn't sound like he was asking his wife to kill his child, instead it sounded like he was asking her to put the fire out or roll up the sleeping bags, just another part of camping.

I was not oblivious in my dreams. I don't know how it actually played out, but I would fight my mother's arms. I wasn't going to allow her to push me off, but then I tripped. Or she would give up and we would go somewhere else where she would convince to jump saying there was a pool at the bottom.

My dad was always there, telling her to hurry up, to finish the job. She would look at me half-crazed, and then I would fall.

I would always wake up right before I hit the ground. I would wake up with the worst sense of vertigo. That was a memory. My vertigo was a long forgotten memory. I didn't know which one was true, but I know my mother's face was true. I know she was involved in my fall.

I berated myself for these thoughts for weeks. I cannot think this about my parents. They wouldn't have done that to me. They loved me. You heard how Bella talked about them. They loved me. They wouldn't have tried to…to. God I can't even think it.

Then Bella broke down crying. She needed a shrink, and I needed one too. I saw the hurt in her eyes when I told her that. She seemed to think she had somehow failed me if I needed a shrink, but no it wasn't her, she was so good. It was my parents my parents who…

It was frustrating my thoughts would die off, protecting my brain from the horrible images it still wasn't ready to face.

Carlisle had explained that I wasn't broken that wasn't why I needed to see a shrink, and I knew that, but deep down I couldn't help but wonder I my parents had been capable of what I think they did is it possible that I am capable of that as well.

George was a specialist. He specialized in patients with memory loss, especially children. I realized I was a child when I lost my memory, and that I had a refused a shrink then. I was stunned that I had relented, all because of the girl; I had changed my view on everything.

George asked me simple questions, my name, my birthday, my age, and so on, and now I had the real answers thanks to Bella. I was able to tell him all these things without lyin or giving him fabricated information.

George put me at ease. He had this way about him almost as if he radiated understanding. I could see why he specialized in children; he would not scare them off.

"So, Edward, tell me about the most important event in your life." It was a simple enough statement, and I assumed he meant the fall, but that was not the most important event of my life, not even close.

"I was at a bar one day and a girl fainted when I told her my first name. I think I fell in love with her right then, or back in love with her. It doesn't really matter." I looked and didn't see shock, but instead there was a slight smile around his lips. He had either expected this or been pleased about it. I could be sure which.

"Tell me about the girl." He asked very direct questions. Very simple, and that was good because I didn't think I'd be able to answer any big questions at the moment.

"Bella, that's her name, is the love of my life, or both my lives, before and after my fall. She is the one spot of eternal happiness in this sometime sad world, but she is hurting herself too much, and she relies too much on me. I nearly destroyed her once, and if that happened again. I don't…I don't know what I would do."

So much for taking it easy.

"She almost destroyed herself?" George asked this as if he suspected suicide, and it basically was slow suicide she put on herself. I hated to think of this.

"She drank herself into a stupor all the time. She was constantly drunk before I met her because she believed me dead. I don't blame her of course, but it is hard not to blame myself. If I could have been stronger if I could have fought my mother, if I could have run away back to her, she never would have gotten to that point. Never."

George looked like he was in shock for a second, but his cool demeanor slipped back on like a well-fitted glove. "Fight your mother?"

I stared at him in shock. He had managed to pry that out of me only by asking me about Bella. I was confused where had my head been going. Why was I not paying more attention to the words I spoke? I was being careless again, always so fucking careless. "My mother, I should have fought her when I had the chance." I gave a very vague answer. I had no idea if he could decipher what it meant. I don't know what Carlisle told him, or even what I had told Carlisle at this point. This man made me so confused.

"When and why would you have fought your mother?" It was the first fully formed question he had asked, and the way he said it, it demanded attention.

"I told you Bella thought I was dead, and it nearly killed her, but she only thought I was dead because m-…I fell." I stopped short. I couldn't say what I was dying to say and gauging George's reaction he knew that as well.

"You fell?" He said such simple words, and if he didn't know the meaning behind them, well there was no possible way that was true.

"I fell, nearly to my death when I was ten years old. I lost all my memories from before then. I had been hiking with my parents. The Cullens found me. I was in a coma, and near death for many weeks. I made it out alive though." I could say 'Much to the dismay of my parents.' He would know for certain then. I couldn't figure out why, but something was holding me back. I was letting as little information slip as possible. I didn't know why. I asked to some here. I wanted help, but I couldn't tell him anything. I couldn't open my mouth to do it, and all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been talking about the reason I couldn't talk about it this entire time.

I needed to tell Bella. I needed to let her know before I could tell anyone else. She wouldn't judge me she loved me. I realized I would never be able to tell anyone else before I told her. I looked up at the clock realizing we had only a few moments left.

George had seen something shift in my face. He knew I had come to a decision. I think he hoped it was my decision to tell him, but I believe deep down he knew that wasn't going to happen.

George asked me one more question he seemed very interested even before he asked it. He was looking for my response he didn't care about the verbal answer, and this all made much more sense when he spoke the next sentence because I wanted to storm out as he said, "Are you glad it happened that way?"

I couldn't understand how he could ask this, but I looked at it from an outside perspective. My life quality had technically increased. I had been stripped from a family who didn't love me enough to want me alive, and I had been placed into a family that loved me so much, and was wealthier, as the Cullens are much wealthier than most people. I had been loved my second life, loved enough for most people, but if I hadn't found Bella, if there hadn't been that freak meeting I know I would have been lost in this world. I would have survived and gone through my daily life, but now that I have her I can hardly bear to remember life without her.

In a word, "No, don't get me wrong I love my family, the Cullens, but I had Bella in the beginning of my life. I had Bella and there was no reason I should have lost her. There was no reason she should have lost me, ever. I had a family who didn't love me one hundred percent, but I had her who loved me more than life itself. I wish it hadn't happened. I could have lived in a dysfunctional family if I could have had my Bella."

"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Are you willing to come back next week?" I thought about this and realized I would be more ready next week. I would know myself better after explaining my worries to Bella. I didn't know why I had kept it from her for so long. I couldn't understand.

"Sure. I think next week is going to be good." I smiled. I was ready to face the world, and Bella was going to be by my side. She was going to know everything before some stranger in a room.

That's what I thought before I saw her. She was so confused walking out of her session. I was determined, but in that moment she seemed to be lost and I couldn't figure out why. She looked at me with pure love, and it staggered me. It renewed my resolve to tell her, just not now. She didn't seem up to it right now.

That thought continued for the rest of the day, and the next and the next, and finally we were lying in bed and I realized I had therapy the next day, and I still hadn't told her.

I just dove in. "Bella, I need to tell you something. Well, you know how I can't remember anything from before? Well that sort of changed when I met you. Not completely, but I get these dreams of my parents, and they are really weird. I mean really weird. I see my mom all the time. I never actually see my dad, but I hear his voice. I see my mom and I am struggling, and Bella I think I didn't fall. I think my parents may have orchestrated it. I know it sounds crazy, but really I just I get the feeling that these dreams are not just dreams, but memories coming back to me in my subconscious so that it is easier to remember. I don't know why my parents would have wanted me dead though. It is the only part I can't figure out." I had started crying, but hadn't realized it until Bella stroked my wet cheeks. I hadn't even realized she had moved. She told me everything would be all right and that we would figure it out in the morning. I knew we would. We could figure out anything. So she held me tight and whispered sweet nothings into my ear until I fell asleep. I can only assume she followed shortly after.

**AN: Thanks to jojobear33 for the review. I know it seems like a hassle, but it is such a great feeling to get a review. Anyways I just want to say that these chapters are difficult to write, and I really am trying, so, let me know what you think. I am very new so leave me a review and I will be eternally grateful. FYI school started up again for me this week, and it is hell. I got three hours of sleep last night because of a chem problem set, but I love you guys too much to not give you a chapter when its ready. **


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Twilight obviously does not belong to me. I am not Stephanie Meyer.**

**BPOV**

Is it possible that Edward's parents wanted him dead? That doesn't seem possible. He was always such a sweet boy. They loved him so much. Why would they want him dead? What could have caused them that much trouble? Unless? They wouldn't?

I don't remember much about Edward's disappearance other than its staggering effect on my entire life, but I remember my parents stopped speaking with the Masens shortly after Edward's death. I thought it was because I couldn't handle being around them.

I sat up that entire night. Edward was killed. Or they had tried to kill him. It made sense why he was never found. His parents would never have actually put out a search for him. They would have come back distraught and no one would have been any wiser.

They performed the perfect murder except for the fact that they had failed. They hadn't killed their target. That still leaves the question of why. What is money? Would two parents kill their child for money? It didn't make sense though the Masens always seemed wealthier than us. Edward always had everything I didn't, but after Edward's death they moved into a bigger better house. They said the apartment had too many memories of him.

I remember his mom crying at the funeral I was near her the whole time with my mom. There was no coffin or anything, but everyone was still crying. I remember Mrs. Masen saying that she was so sorry. It was all her fault, but all grieving parents say that don't they?

I couldn't make sense of it. The Masens couldn't have killed Edward, or could they? My parents seemed more worried about Edward after they stopped talking to the Masens. My parents would never talk to me about it, but I heard them. They would speak of his disappearance in hushed tones. They would talk, but I don't know what they talked about. I think it drove them apart. I think it was the breaking point. My dad was a cop he knew how to solve a crime maybe he had suspected something. Maybe he couldn't forgive the Masens for how they destroyed me. Maybe my dad knew. Maybe I could ask him.

I was set with a plan. I was ready to face anything. I needed to talk to him anyways. I hadn't talked to Charlie in far too long. He was going to be excited to hear from me, at least as excited as Charlie can be.

It was nearly four in the morning when I finally got to sleep it was a restless sleep filled with half dreams.

**EPOV**

I had the best sleep I had had in weeks after telling Bella. I had finally done what I knew I had to do and I just hoped she would take it as well as she seemed to last night. I knew I needed to tell my shrink about these things, and now that Bella knew I knew it would be easier to talk about it. I wouldn't have that guilt overshadowing everything I actually needed to talk about.

I was almost excited for my therapy today.

"Hello Edward"

"Hello George. How are you?"

"I was about to ask you that myself Edward, it seems as if a cloud has been lifted from your head? Are you feeling better than last week?"

"I am feeling better George there were things I wanted to tell you last week, but I needed to speak to Bella it felt wrong to speak to you about them without talking to her first, but I got that out of the way last night. So let's talk, after you tell me how you are doing."

"Well, I am doing fine. I am glad to see you are well, and if there is nothing that is going to hold you back today I would like to talk about your childhood, the one after the accident."

"My life with the Cullens?"

"Yes."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, did you have any siblings? Did you play like a normal kid? Tell me about your life? How did you deal with the horrible amnesia you must have had to live with?"

"That's a lot so I am going to start with the easiest of those questions. I was an only child. My parents couldn't have kids. Esme is infertile, and they thought I was a Godsend since I literally fell into their lives from above. I didn't have any siblings though and I almost wish that I had, but I don't regret not having any it isn't like I would have if I hadn't been lost."

"How did you deal with the amnesia?"

That was a hard one for me to answer. "I couldn't really go to school like the other kids. I just wasn't able to function normally. I didn't know the things they all took for granted like how to cross a street, or two plus two equals four. I had to relearn many things, although not everything. I wasn't a newborn. I had some memories. They just were not specific. I could talk, and I knew most things, but often I would think about something simple and I would just break down in tears. I knew I had known it at some point, but I couldn't anymore. I couldn't explain that to a bunch of ten year olds. I couldn't go into fourth grade not knowing anything. I would be ridiculed, and being put in kindergarten as a 10 year old would have destroyed me. So Esme quit her work at the shelter, and she taught me."

"She home schooled you?"

"Well, until I caught up. Don't get me wrong I am so grateful for what Esme did for me, but I was smart. I picked up everything very fast. My brain did not like knowing that it was behind where it was supposed to be. I was 10 years old when I forgot everything, but I managed to be reintegrated into the school system as a seventh grader when I was 13 or around then. I never really knew exactly how old I was so my parents just guessed. They called me ten when they found me. It was close enough. In eighth grade I was placed in the gifted track. In high school I graduated valedictorian."

"You were smart. So what happened then?"

"Well I never really made any friends. I was always busy working reading try to make up for those ten years that I lost. The first ten years of your life are more important than you think, and then I got a little obsessed with finding my real family."

"Your birth parents?"

"Yes. I wanted to find them so bad. I wanted to go back to them and show them I was ok I always assumed that they must have thought I was dead. I was going to go to Oxford. I had done that well in school, but I decided not to. I wanted nothing more than to find my real family. I told my parents I was going to go to the states instead."

"But you didn't? Did you?"

"No. My father talked me out of it. He told me I had to go to school. He convinced me that Oxford was a once in a lifetime opportunity and it is, so I went. I did my three years there, and I did it well. Then I came here. I decided if nothing else I would do my residency and such in the states. It worked out wonderfully actually. My father thought I made the right decision, and now I know I did too. It was my first weekend here when I met Bella. I wouldn't have met her so easily, or possibly ever if my father hadn't convinced me to stay at Oxford."

"So are you going to find them now?"

I hadn't actually thought that much about it. I knew now with out a doubt that my parents hadn't wanted me. Would I bother to find them now?

"I don't know. I have wanted for so long to find them. To let them know that I am all right, but ever since meeting Bella, I have started to remember things, and I am not sure I want to meet them again. I am not sure I want them to know I am alive. I won't survive if they try to kill me again." I nearly started choking as I said the last words, but I knew beyond a doubt that they were true. I wouldn't survive if my parents really wanted me dead.

"If they tried to _kill_ you, again?" George was shocked, and that was expected to be honest. I would have been shocked too.

"Yes, they did before, and I don't know if they'd need to again. How can I ever see them again how can I face them?" I was so confused I needed answers.

"How do you know they tried to kill you? If you really want answers the only place to look for them is at the source. They will lie to you if the truth is what you are claiming, but I am certain you will be able to tell when you talk to them whether or not they are being truthful."

"You are probably right, but still how can I face them? How can I face the people who most likely tried to murder me? How can I go back to them after the supposed unconditional love I was supposed to be a part of was broken off so harshly? How can anyone expect that of me?"

"You don't have to go now, but you should take comfort in the fact that when you are ready for the answers they will be available to you."

I walked out of the office after an hour of this feeling no better than before.

**BPOV**

"Hey Dad it's Bella please call me back once you get this. I haven't talked to you in far too long. I have some questions, they are about Edward, umm, yeah well please let me know when you get this. Thanks, bye."

I couldn't get a hold of Charlie and it was driving me crazy. I needed to talk to him. I had never actually asked him directly about Edward so I didn't know how he would take this. He would probably be happy just to hear from me.

Edward had gone to therapy and I was supposed to go soon, but I couldn't yet. I needed to talk to Charlie, and then I would deal with therapy and the like.

Then my phone rang. I couldn't look. I needed it to be him, but what if it wasn't there wasn't anyone else I really wanted to talk to.

I finally looked at my phone. I immediately breathed a sigh of relief. Charlie had finally called me back.

"Hey Dad?"

"Bells?"

"How are you Dad I haven't seen you in a while?"

"Well I am ok, but I am really happy to hear from you, you sound better than I have heard you in a long time."

"Yeah, Dad, the reason I called…"

"Edward, yes what about him?"

"What really happened all those years ago? Tell me what really went on, why did we move out of Phoenix?"

"Bella, I am going to need to see you in person. Can you fly out here? I can book your ticket right now."

"Umm. Let me book the tickets, also, I am going to be bringing someone home if you don't mind, you don't right?"

"No, not at all, who is it?"

"Edward, Dad, I found him."

"Bella, please, don't do this. He has been gone for a long time. Please don't put me through this again."

"Dad no really you can meet him he is our Edward. He has come home."

"Fine bring him, but I swear he better be the real deal or I will kill him."

With that he hung up. No goodbye, no I love you. My dad could be a real jerk sometimes.

I booked the tickets anyways. I needed answers, and I am guessing Edward does too.

**AN: So tell me what you think? Was Charlie's reaction appropriate? **

**Also, don't kill me for the slow updates. I go to the University of Chicago, I don't know if anybody actually knows anything about this school, but here are a few slogans we say here. "UChicago, where fun comes to die." "UChicago: If I had wanted an A I would have gone to Harvard." "UChicago: You will be miserable here…there is no punch line." Anyways, to get my point across I work really hard, and sometimes I forget to write this little story so give me some feedback and let me know what you want to happen, and how you feel about everything that is happening.**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Twilight isn't mine guys, sorry I wish it was. Sorry about how late this was**** no excuse pure laziness.**

**BPOV**

"So I am going to visit my dad with Edward. We are going because I think my dad knows more than I once thought he did. I think he might know if Edward's parents had actually tried to kill him or not, and I think I need to know. I might try and kill his parents if it is true. How could they?"

Francisco nodded a few times, but I think I lost him. He stopped writing at one point and just looked at me for a while.

"So his parents might have tried to kill him?" Oh right I had forgotten to tell him that part. I guess starting with a rant isn't always the best way to go.

"Yeah, well, maybe. I mean, ok let me restart. So Edward has been having these weird dreams ever since he met me again. He has had these dreams of his fall, and he has seen his mother pushing him, and he isn't sure if they are true because after all this time they are just surfacing now, and he doesn't know if he can trust his dreams. So I called my dad, and I asked him to tell me what really happened. He wouldn't do it over the phone though, which I guess I get, but I need to know so I am going to fly out there, and I am bringing Edward, because no matter how much I love my dad I do not want to be away from Edward for very long, plus I think my dad needs to see him."

"You can't leave Edward here?"

"From all that all you get is that I can't leave Edward. God shrinks are so weird." I definitely hadn't meant to say that last part out loud.

"Bella think about it. You came to me due to a dependence on Edward, and now you need answers, and you can't get them without him?"

"It's not that I can't it's just that I don't want to. Edward needs to hear this too. He needs to know as much as I do." I showed him.

"Bella isn't this the first time you have reached out to your father since you were nine?"

"Yeah..."

"And don't you think he might want to spend some time with just you?"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah... and?"

"You're right, but I need Edward there. Mostly for me, but also he needs to know. He needs to hear it from Charlie so I don't screw it up."

"Ok, fine, but what do you think you should do?"

"What do you mean, oh wise one?"

"What are you going to do so that when you are home you do spend sometime with Charlie alone so you two can talk it out?"

"Oh, that. Well..." I just trailed off hoping he would drop it, but Francisco rarely let anything drop.

"Well... what? Bella you need to have a plan or else you are not going to get anywhere. I can see that clear as day."

"I know I could just send Edward somewhere for a day so my Dad and I could talk. Something he would need to do by himself. Something like..."

"Like...?"

"Umm... I got it! He could go to the place where he fell. I know where it is up there. I can tell him where to go and he can see where he was last with his parents. It is really pretty close to forks. Francisco you are a genius. Thanks, and we are out of time so I am leaving on a happy note."

"See you soon Bella."

I got up and basically ran to the car. I mean I had to stop at the receptionist and pay, but I bolted, and I drove home eager to see Edward again. It is a little scary how much I long to see him even when I am only gone for a short while.

When I got home Edward wasn't there, but he left a note telling me he was out getting plane sized toiletries so we wouldn't have to check our bags. He always thought of everything.

I was going over my session with Francisco again, and I realized that I really needed something in my life outside of Edward. I was starting to freak out. He could dump me at any moment and I would be back to square one. He doesn't have the same emotional investment.

I was mentally ranting to myself. I needed to stop, and I knew how.

"Alice, PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE!"

It went to voicemail, but only after I had screamed at the phone. I quickly hung up. I had no reason to leave a message, although I may have forgotten to tell her where I was going. Oh shit! What if Charlie told her, then I am in some really deep trouble. Alice was going to kill me.

I quickly called back.

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

_Ring..._

"Oh, Bella, thank God. I have been searching for my phone all morning it was on vibrate, but finally I found it. So what's up?"

"Umm... I may have forgotten to tell you something important again."

"Bella, are you pregnant?"

"What, no why would you think that?"

"I don't know it keeps happening to my friends from back home. Anyways what's the big news?"

Bella hesitated she didn't know why she was having so much trouble with this Alice wasn't going to freak out at her, she had no attachment to forks other than her contact with Charlie.

"I am going home to see my Dad."

"When?" It was one word, Alice never spoke in one word.

"Today..." I waited for Alice to speak. "Alice? What's wrong?"

"Nothing you are leaving and didn't feel the need to inform me. I guess I never really was your friend, huh? You were just using me like all the others weren't you? Now you have your precious Edward back you are just going to disappear forever, and you will be happy, perfectly happy, while I have to sit here and pretend I am so bubbly when sometimes I just need to not be." I had never seen Alice like this she was normally so happy, so energetic, I was confused.

"Alice, you are my friend, one of my only true friends. I am going home to visit my dad for a week tops. I haven't seen him in a really long time, and I haven't interacted with him in longer. I forgot to tell you, you know how bad I am with communication," She tried to interrupt me, "Now hold on, I have always been bad about telling people where I was going and when, and I may have been a miserable friend before, but seriously what is wrong because I expected you to be mad, but I had no idea anything like this could happen."

I paused for a breath when I heard Alice's sobs on the other end.

"Alice! What's wrong?"

She cried harder and managed to get out one word, "Jasper."

I crumpled on the floor. I had seen them together. They were perfection. I didn't understand, and Alice hadn't said anything. Edward chose that moment to walk in care free. I wanted to punch him in the face.

Edward picked me up off the floor and brought me to the couch. He placed me gently and started asking questions. "Bella, are you alright? What's happened? Are you in shock? Hospital?" He was getting more worried by the second his sentences were becoming more abrupt.

I could hardly speak I was feeling Alice's pain, and I didn't even know what was going on. I could only feel the shock and awe that consumed me when I thought Edward was dead. I replayed over and over in my mind. It was heart braking.

I managed the same word as Alice, "Jasper." While Alice had cried it out, I had only managed a rasp.

Edward understood it instinctively. He ran to the door grabbed the keys saw me on the ground and came and got me and carried me to the car.

Fifteen minutes later we pulled up in front of Alice and Jasper's. Edward ran in. He found Alice I assume because a few moments later she was in the car also and we were heading to the hospital.

It wasn't later until I found out all of the details. A drunk driver, in the middle of the day. A red light that he missed. Jasper was in the intersection about to turn left. The front half of the car was torn to pieces, so apparently was Jasper.

Edward had cancelled our flight. He was so calm, all his doctor training kicking right in. He got us in to see Jasper, although we couldn't actually go in the room because it needed to be kept very clean so that none of his wounds would become infected.

**EPOV**

When I arrived at the hospital everything suddenly slowed down. I went into doctor mode. I was calm and calculating. I was able to do anything and save anyone. I was able to get us in to see Jasper through a window, much more than most patients would be able to do at this point, but being a good looking doctor has its perks.

As I saw Bella and Alice sitting there a memory suddenly came to me, it was not a dream, but a solid memory, and it was Bella crying. We had been playing on a swing set. She had fallen off. She had just bruised her knee, but she kept wailing. She kept yelling, "Edward, its broken! You broke it!" I had apparently pushed her off. I saw her on the ground below me and I jumped down to help her. I hurt my knee along the way. We both ended up just sitting there crying for a bit.

Bella turned and looked at me, "Edward, if you kiss my knee and I kiss your knee maybe they will both get better."

I thought she was a genius at the time. My mom's kisses always made my boo-boos feel better.

I leaned down to kiss her knee, and all of a sudden she jumped away from me. She claimed I burned her, but I was just trying to kiss her pain away.

After she just got up and walked away. I never got my knee kissed, but I was sure able to chase after her. I didn't want to be left alone.

When the memory had passed I realized that this situation was nothing like that. These were real injuries, not those that kids make up when they fall down.

I wanted to soothe Alice, but I had no idea how. I found Bella though and sat next to her. I brought her legs into my lap and kissed her knee.

She looked up at me smiled, and murmured, "Edward, you burned me." I thought I had imagined it so I asked her. She looked up at me with a smile.

"Yeah we both hurt our knees on the playground in the park near the apartment building, I thought it would be a good idea if we kissed each other's hurts away. You went first, and I claimed you burned me. I guess you wouldn't remember."

I started laughing. I knew I shouldn't, but I was ecstatic, if I could get one memory back there still may be hope for the rest. Bella looked at me like I was crazy but then started laughing too. Alice who was only a few feet away stared at us, and when she started laughing we knew we would get through whatever this day brought, and we would come out stronger.

At least that was what I hoped. It couldn't be that bad if we were laughing, right?


	16. An Author's Note

AN: Anyone who has read this story knows I have been in a writing slump recently. I am rewriting the story. I got lost somewhere along the way, and the story is not what I wanted it to be at all. I am going to take it down in a few days, and then once I am finished with my rewrite I will start putting it up piece by piece. Sorry if I ruined my chance at a good thing.


End file.
